Updated: Oct 15, 2018
How do you handle disappointment? Loss? What goes through your mind & how much does your heart hurt when you are going through a difficult season?
I can only assume that as you read even just the first few statements, you are thinking of times in your life when you felt helpless, angry, hurt, disappointed, loss and pain.
Often when we face difficulties the stress and pressure begin to reveal who we really are. How we respond to the pain tells a lot about our character. What is buried inside of us begins to come out during the most difficult times. And, of course, what we have been allowing into our mind and heart, the good and the bad, will seep through the cracks.
Recently, my wife and I experienced a difficult time, that if I'm honest I am still struggling with. As foster parents we know and assume the good and the bad of all circumstances and people. I wanted to share in this post what my amazing wife wrote as a part of her healing, in hopes that it will begin your healing as well.
"I sit here staring into an empty crib praying at this moment you are safe and loved. You came to us much like the hurricane. You blew into our lives hurriedly and like a whirlwind we frantically got everything together for your arrival. Just as quickly you left, leaving behind broken hearts like tree limbs and emotions scattered like leaves across the ground. We had very little notice, time to prepare, or say goodbye. Things did not go as planned. As many of you know, our family provides interim newborn care to provide biological parent(s) the opportunity to consider their options and/or during the revocation period in the adoption process. We love caring for these precious babies, counseling with the very brave birth moms, and presenting an adoptive couple with their long-awaited child for the very first time. Last week, we received a call for an emergency placement for a toddler. This was an unusual circumstance for our agency and a big change for us having only been prepared for newborns. We hurriedly ran around getting all the items needed and he was at our door 2 hours later. It didn’t take long to be smitten by his sweet smile and playful personality. We quickly fell into a routine and he became part of our family. We dreamed of his future and planned for his adoption. Due to confidentiality I cannot share the details, but things did not go as planned for what we felt was best. We are not unaccustomed to plans changing, we fully support biological and adoptive families rights, but this time is different. We are heartbroken and trying to process through our emotions and fears for his well being. I cannot love half-way, I’ll never love any other way. He was loved like he was mine forever until I could deliver him into the arms of a family who would love, cherish, and provide for him. There will be no walk down the agency hallway to place him into the arms of teary-eyed adoptive parents. I feel like I failed him. Our faith is not shaken. We trust God when all goes perfectly according to plan for these little ones, so we continue to trust Him when the story doesn’t seem to have a storybook ending. God is writing a different story."